I LOATHE Pyramid Schemes

Okay, so I was going to write a blog about copyright law since so few people on the Internet seem to understand intellectual property rights.  I'll probably still do so shortly, but in the meantime I finally listened to a CD I was given the other day and I absolutely MUST rant about this first, because these types of schemes piss me off more than you can possibly imagine.

A couple days ago while at work (I'm still not rich and famous enough to quit the day job, alas), I was approached by one of our regular customers.  His name, I have learned (it was printed on the CD he gave me, but we'll get to that in a moment) is John.  The only thing keeping me from publishing his full name and contact information is that he's still a regular at my place of employment and I don't need to stir shit up over there right now.  Anyway, John said he sees me there a lot.  Well, yeah, I work there.  Not exactly a big revelation, but I assure you I maintain professionalism and wasn't the least bit snarky.  He asked if I'm going to school while working there.  No.  Actually, I'm working on starting my own business.  After a bit of back and forth about what I'm doing (close-up magic, and I also write on the side, hoping my books will start selling soon), he asks if I'm looking for other ways to make money.  Oh boy, here it comes.

Look, I do my job well.  I'm friendly to customers and coworkers, I work hard, I maintain professionalism, I try to do everything right.  It's not the first time someone's approached me and asked such a question.  I've had people ask me if I want a job working at their financial planning firm, and someone who claimed to be a friend of a regional VP of a large national bank wanted my contact information.  I'm not really looking for that type of work right now--I'm trying to get my business running--but I'm always friendly, and I always give the same answer: "I'm not looking, but I'm never closed to possibilities.  Give me your card, and if I'm interested, I'll send a resume."  I leave it at that.  It's polite, and when I don't, in fact, send a resume, they get the point.  Nothing irks me more than someone walking into a place of business and trying to recruit the staff.  It's unprofessional, it's lazy, and with so many people looking for jobs these days, it reeks of something sleazy (after all, if it's a good job with decent pay, it ain't gonna be too hard to fill in this economy).  So I leave it at that, and go the other direction.

Well, John mentioned that he's involved in his own business.  I asked what he did, just to be polite--I really don't care what my customers do unless they want me to sell them a book about it.  He said "internet distribution."  Okay, that's somewhat non-committal, but no matter.  He said "I have some information, if you're interested, I could give it to you."  Well, at this point, I'm none too happy about being put on the spot, but I agreed in the least enthusiastic voice I could mutter.  I figured, he'll give me some pamphlet, and then he'll go away.  He goes back to his car and comes back in with a CD.  He says, "It's a fifteen minute audio CD.  Listen to it, and if you're excited about it, my number's on the back.  Give me a call and we can move forward with this."  Of course, I wasn't going to call, but I'm still being polite.

He asked for my contact information so he wouldn't have to call me at the store (how nice of him).  I gave him one of my cards.  I figured, the worst that happens is I'll say no, and try to sell him a magic show for his next business affair.  Of course, I'm sure he wouldn't be able to afford my fee anyway, but no matter--one has to be a little bit of an opportunist to get a business started (plus, I just got an order of two thousand cards in, so I'm not exactly being stingy with them).  He then goes on his way--without, I might add, buying so much as a paperback.

Well, when I looked at the CD, my stomach sank a little.  It looked suspiciously like a sort of business propaganda I've seen before, and I immediately began to suspect what this was.  The CD is called "Fun and Freedom" by Wade Simmons.  John had affixed his own contact information to the back.  Well, this isn't the way business is traditionally done, so red flags are flying left and right, but ever the skeptic, I reserve judgement until the facts are in.

This evening, I finally got a chance to listen to the CD.  I popped it in, and this Wade Simmons character started talking about how bad this generation has it with the costs of education and what have you, and promising to generate enough profit to have "fun and freedom" through whatever system he's pitching.  He doesn't go into any great detail through most of the ten minute (John lied when he said it was fifteen) talk, but refers cryptically to his organization's "team of entrepreneurs."  He talks about eliminating middle men, and buying direct from manufacturers.  Basically, he drops all the right words to confirm exactly what this is: a pyramid scheme.

Specifically, this scheme seems to be targeted to young people.  I'm fairly young myself, but I'm extremely well-read and quite knowledgeable about scams, so he won't get me.  But this is meant to sound extremely attractive to college students or those who've recently graduated.  He addresses this market specifically in his speech!  Older folks have seen these scams before, and now know to stay away from them (who doesn't remember Amway?), but many students may be suckered in.  Whoever this Wade Simmons is, he appears to be the scum of the earth.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.  After finishing the CD, I went online to do some research, see if I couldn't find more information about what this company is doing (their website, perhaps, would offer some clues to the specifics).  So I googled Wade Simmons.  All I could find was information about a mountain biker from Canada.  Wikipedia gave me the same results.  So Wade seems to be a dead end.  I looked closer at the CD and found the copyright information.  It tells me the copyright is held by "TEAM INA."  There we go!  That's what I was looking for!

First thing I found was a website, www.ina.net.  This was a dead end, too.  All that's on the website is a "username and password" field to log in.  No information about the company, no contact information, nothing.  Just a way to log in.  Most curious.  I suspect this is the same INA, but I can't be 100% sure.  I also found this from Yahoo Answers, apparently confirming my suspicions that it's a pyramid scheme.  Gasp!  Shock!  Horror!  But I kept looking.

I found another man who was assaulted with the very same propaganda CD while shopping at a Home Depot.  His rant made a fan out of me, as he referred to the person who sent him the CD thusly: "Jeff, you're despicable, and if it existed you would burn in a very special level of Hell.  A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater."  This is, of course, not only an accurate description of the quality of character of those who involve themselves in pyramid schemes (John, I'm talking to you too, motherfucker), but is a clever reference to the television program, Firefly.

Then, I found this.  This is legal documentation of a class action lawsuit against "Quixtar."  Wanna venture a guess who that actually is?  Well, that's what they're called in the U.S. and Canada.  Around the rest of the world, they're known as "Amway Corp."  Dun dun DUNNNNNN!  Yes, Amway, the most infamous pyramid scheme of them all.  The entire document makes for interesting reading, but you should pay particular attention to paragraph 38.  For convenience, I shall copy it here:

38. According to Quixtar's website, there are currently sixteen lines of sponsorship:

a. World Wide DreamBuilders;
b, Yager (InterNET Services);
c. Britt;
d. Network 21;
e. Team;
f. InterNet Associates (INA);
g. eFinity;
h. International Connection;
i.International Leadership Development (ILD);
j. MMP (MarkerMan Productions);
k. proalliance;
l. Interbiz;
m. IBO Alliance;
n. GlobalNet;
o. ProSystemOne; and
p. GBO Alliance,

Of particular interest are lines (e) and (f).  "Team" and "InterNet Associates (INA)."  Most curious indeed.  In fact, as far as I can tell, what our old buddy John was trying to rope me into wasn't just any pyramid scheme.  It was fucking AMWAY!  The worst of the worst of pyramid schemes!

People, take it from me, stay away from these people.  They're not just poor business men who made a mistake.  They're the scum of the earth.  They made a mistake, sure, but now they are trying to rope YOU into it, because that's the only way they'll ever be able to be even close to profitable--by suckering other unsuspecting individuals to open their pocketbooks and become involved in this corrupt and possibly illegal business (pyramid schemes are illegal--multi-level marketing is not necessarily, but it's certainly unethical).  Stay away.

And also stay tuned, because next up, I'm going to tell you how pyramid schemes actually work.  Most people understand that the phrase has become synonymous with "bamboozle," but fewer know why.  I'll explain it to you, and that way you'll be able to watch out for these scams yourself, just in case they surface under a different name and no one's been able to warn you about them yet.

As for the CD I was given, I'm not quite sure what to do with it at this point.  Should I send it to  the media, so they can warn others?  Should I break it in half and send it back to John?  Should I keep it in my files (since I keep damned near everything anyway)?  I must think on this for a while and determine the course of action most likely to either shut the scam down, or at least do the most possible damage to the kingpin's bottom line.

And what will I do if John does call me?  That's another decision I have to make, because I suspect he probably will.  I'm either going to explain my refusal to participate in a pyramid scheme...or I'm going to try to sell him a magic show anyway--but I'll sell him my special "pyramid" magic show, where (for those of you who've seen The Prestige) I charge my standard fee for the Pledge, double for the Turn, and $5,000 for the Prestige.  Paid in advance, of course.  No 50% deposits allowed for con men, thank you very much.

Bob